This is one of those nights.

A night to lose myself in character. But not this time. Let's hit this head instead, and do away with justin and deidre and ross.

I want to know if I can enjoy my sorrow.

So what does that mean? Does it mean that sorrow is gone? Or just that now I do not hide from it, not in character, and I embrace it for what it is.

I am crying.

Tonight I learned that the Buddha said that one can know a thing in itself. I have always taken it for granted that I can't. Indict western philosophy, for its all very convincing in between yawns. And so I have believed, in between yawns, in 'a priori' concepts of the understanding, or rules of the understanding, these things upon which our mind works to know things. And the deal with that is this: if our mind has certain underlying concepts, or rules, upon which it views our experience, then we can't possibly ever know the experience itself. All we can know is how that experience is perceived when brought into the context of these rules through which it manifests in our mind. The actual nature of the outer world is a mystery. And we are all alone.

But Buddha says different.

And yes, sure, I know, really, this all seems very profound, and all that fluff, but how does it bring me closer to loving my tears?

I'm not sure. But somehow it seems to. Somehow it makes it ok. It makes it not matter.

Maybe because if we were wrong about this then maybe we're wrong about everything and so who gives a fuck about convention anyways.

Or maybe its because it reminds me how fragile my mind really is, and how I can change it on a dime.

Hmmmm... or maybe its this:

I am no longer seperate. Kant said it was just us. One. And we could never know the other. So I was it. But now that's no. The Buddha says we can know the other.

We are not alone.

And that makes everything all right.

- posted by Sigurd1/20/2005 09:58:00 PM