Sunday, December 28, 2003
i pulled the uk scene. really, i've had it with the whole affair. you would think that a few former harvard grads would be able to work something out. it isn't the case. nevertheless, sometimes you have to look at the big picture, and the big picture is telling me quite clearly that the scene is dead. so i pulled it. i'll catch hell, i know, but it won't really matter in the end. seems right to say that one thing i've learned is that hell doesn't last. it passes, and fades.
Saturday, December 27, 2003
i cherish myself. i have to stop. i never used to, i used to think i was dead. it all changed though, i'm not sure when, somehow when i started working for myself and making money for myself and having nothing better to do then do things for myself, i kind of fell into it. i never even realised it.
it happens even when you're out there saving the world. before you know it you start caring a lot about yourself. you didn't used to. you used to not give a damn. you were happier then. there were no expectations. now you feel crappy, because inevitably life isn't up to the expectations, and so the thing you cherish always sucks in comparison.
i have to stop cherishing myself. its not doing any good for anyone. but i don't want to be dead again. that's no good either. i have to find something else to cherish. but what?
a person? a god? starbucks coffee? that cute girl at the pizza joint?
i need refuge.
Monday, December 22, 2003
'so I started writing a blog.'
'oh yeah, what about the book?'
'oh, i'm still doing that too. a blog doesn't take very long, you can just write in it whenever you want.'
'you should get that sandwich.'
'that one? its got mayonnaise oozing out all over it.'
'yeah, that one.'
'anyways, i don't know if anyone's reading it.'
'isn't that the whole point?'
'yeah, that's the whole point. i'm going to get this one.'
'that's like 3 bucks, and its smaller then your dick.'
'its a hogie.'
'your dick?'
'yeah - right'
'that's a ripoff'
'the blog?'
'no, the sandwich.'
'yeah, i know.'
'so why are you getting it?'
'because the other one's cost more.'
'but they're way bigger.'
'so? i don't want all that extra.'
'you'd rather get ripped off?'
'i'm not getting ripped off if i'm paying for a sandwich i don't want.'
'whatever.'
Sunday, December 21, 2003
Security Guards Spot a figure in Period Dress
Security film at Hampton Court Palace has captured a ghostly image at the Palace that very closely resembles screen static. Cameras picked up the vision at the 16th Century Surrey palace, which has a reputation for being haunted.
Security guards spotted that fire doors kept opening in an exhibition area, which led the guards to be suspicious. While checking the footage the security guards saw a figure in period dress that largly resembled static on the screen.
"It had arms and legs." said warden Jason Faulke. "The arms looked kind of fuzzy, like static or something, as did the legs, which just made it all the more eery."
"It was incredibly spooky because the face just didn't look human," he said. "It looked like screen static."
State apartment warden Bradley Franklin gave his own interpretation of the apparition: "Someone who appears to be cloaked in 16th century garb walks forward, brings one door in, another door in and then closes it behind them."
When asked about the apparition's attire, Mr. Franklin replied, "It was clearly dressed in 16th century attire, though it appeared to be disguised to look like screen static."
Still some remain skeptical. One observer of the tape noted, "Its clearly only screen static."
But State apartment warder Bradley Franklin disagrees. "There is no doubt that this is a clever apparition. It was clearly disguised, and wanted you to think it was only screen static. Why else would it go to the trouble to manifest itself as something so closely resembling screen static?"
Hampton Court has seen many dramatic royal events
"It is really difficult to come up with a rational explanation for it." continued warden Jason Faulke.
Even before the security film was checked a visitor had noted in the palace's visitor book room that she thought she had seen a ghost in that area that closely resembled a security guard.
"It was wearing a uniform, a hat, and it had a badge." exclaimed an obviously disturbed Mrs. Ida Bellows of London, who had been vacationing in the area. But in this case Mrs. Bellows stated that the face looked human. In a exclusive interview Mrs Bellows admitted that the ghostly security guard even asked her if she: "needed directions.", and that he appeared to be eating a ham sandwich.
"It looked frighteningly human." Mrs. Bellows said.
The palace, a home of King Henry VIII, has seen many dramatic royal events, from the death of Henry's third wife, Jane Seymour, to the condemnation and house arrest of his fifth, Catherine Howard, for adultery.
In the past, staff, visitors, workmen and residents have reported seeing the ghosts of various staff, visitors, workmen and residents on many occasions.
Saturday, December 20, 2003
seven years is a long time. for anything. could it finally be ending? i wonder if someone broke a mirror leaning over the second balcony seven years ago, and unwittingly started the string of ineptitude that might finally be coming to an end. i said it two years ago though, and look what happened then. so its best not to get too excited. two years ago was a major disappointment. seven years of disappointment. that's a long time.
Friday, December 19, 2003
that guy from espn.com who picked the utah jazz to finish with the worst record in the history of basketball should really lose his job.
he won't. but he should.
being a sports reporter must be the most secure job in the world. i mean, if you can write an article saying that a team will break the nba record for fewest wins in a season (8) and then that team goes out and wins eight games before its even played 14, and you still keep your job - well, you have to feel pretty secure about your employment situation. in most jobs, before you make predictions you do research and analysis and background on the subject. apparantly not this one.
there's no way this guy did his research. there's no way this guy should get paid for not having done his research. this guy is a schmo. and espn.com sucks for keeping this schmo.
i'm out. or in. or whatever.
i dreamt i was sitting on the toilet last night. really. i honestly did. who would lie about something like that. so anyways, i did. and i dreamt that, well, i was going to the washroom, and it was really gross because the shit was out of control and it was getting on the toilet paper roll, and then on my underwear and then on my jeans. and i woke up and i felt really disgusted at first, because i thought i was covered in shit,and then a little relieved because i wasn't covered in shit and i didn't have to go have a shower, and then still disgusted because i'd had a dream where i was covered in shit and that just didn't seem right. you know, i actually got up out of bed when i first woke up because i was so sure that i would have to take a shower. but i didn't, and i was glad for that at least.
i was thinking about the dream this morning, while i was in the bathroom. at first i felt disgusted again. it just didn't seem good to be having dreams about being covered in shit. but then i thought about it a bit more and i wasn't disgusted. cuz when you think about it, i was getting rid of all the shit. i mean, sure, it was messy, and i was getting messy, but even in the dream i knew that all i'd have to do is take a shower. then i'd be clean. and the shit would be gone.
i hope its gone soon.
Thursday, December 18, 2003
you know, it isn't an easy job to save the world.
its really not.
'oh i'm sure it isn't, i completely understand.' you say.
but you don't. no one really does.
every morning i get out of bed long before the sun comes up. and every morning my significant other asks me what i'm getting up so early for.
'to save the world,' i reply.
usually that's enough. but today she posed a question to me. its kind of thrown me back on my heels.
'what if the world doesn't want to be saved?' she said
well i don't know. i guess i never thought about that too much. i got so caught up in the everyday madness of it all that it never occured to me. you can't blame me. it takes a lot out of you to save the world, day in and day out, and at the end of the day you just don't have the energy to start philosophizing about the meaning of it all. you just go into the trenches and do your job and you're happy to come home every night, sit in front of the boob tube with a rum and coke, and forget about it all.
but now i'm not so sure. its left me wondering if there's a point to any of it. what am i really trying to accomplish in this whole world-saving gig?
but i don't have time to think about any of it right now. i gotta go do my job.
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