I am quite frightened of life.

I wonder if there are many people like this. I wonder if I'm the only one. I know lots of people who aren't. I'm often told that change and flux and all that stuff should be invigorating.

I don't find it very invigorating. Mostly I find it stressful.

The worst part about being frightened of life is that its quite a ridiculous thing to be, and yet even the realisation that its ridiculous doesn't seem to lessen the feeling. So instead you just end up being frightened of life and insecure about being so.

To be frightened of life. Sheesh. And it really is ridiculous, absurd even. What makes it riduculous and absurd is the alternative. Death doesn't seem terribly enticing. But I mean, if you're not going to accept the shit of life, well, then I guess you should get off the pot. But who wants to do that?

So its ridiculous to be scared of life. Its absurd. It probably means I'm caught up in some sort of delusion of what life is, cuz I've given it some form that it doesn't possess.

Maybe life doesn't have form. Maybe its like the mind. Maybe life formless.

And you know, maybe that my problem. It would explain the fear at least. Amitting life is formless. That anything goes, so to speak. I don't know.

That's scary to me. That makes me get all shaky and panicky.

But I don't know. I don't know much. All I know is that its damn difficult to accept. That and that I think too much.
- posted by Sigurd1/18/2005 01:34:00 PM