Street Addict

'its an addiction. just like any other.'

'and yeah, its like gambling. but its not gambling. gambling's when you're guessing. gambling's when you don't know. this is when you know. you know you're right. everyone else might think different, but you still know you're right.

'yeah, at first you're not sure. you're not sure, but you got a hunch. but a hunch isn't good enough. so you do the work you need to do. you learn and you read and you work through numbers until all your dreams are in red and black. because you need to know for sure. you need to know if you're right.'

'you wake up every morning and the first thing you want to do is check the markets. you want to check the news. suddenly, things that seemed boring are interesting. things that are boring are interesting. now you want to know how electricity is delivered in the midwest. now you want to know why the telecom act was legislated and who michael powell is. you want to know how oil comes out of the ground. now you want to know how much silver china has left to sell. now you want to know all these things about the world. because suddenly, in everything, you see the chance to know something someone else doesn't. and in that chance there's the chance to be right.'

'when you begin to place your bets, you don't sleep well. you'll bet too much and you'll always think you don't know enough so you'll worry and fret and end up spending the nights running through the scenarios again. going through the numbers again. always you're asking yyourself - am i right? could they all possibly be wrong?'

'and stuff happens to feed your doubt. an article comes out. it says you're a fool for thinking what you do. its written by someone well respected. it's backed up by others equally well respected. you sweat. who are you anyways? little ole you. a nothing. you think - how can all these people be wrong? how can i be right? you doubt yourself. you question and become agitated. there's only one thing you can do. so you do it again. you think it through again, you work it through again, you check the numbers for the thousandth time. and when you're done you look at it all with determination and say no, i'm right. they are wrong.'

'but at first, the market doesn't agree. you lose at first. and here you truly are wrong. if only for a moment. here is the only place you are really right or wrong. all the theories and speculating and possibilities don't matter at all. all that matters is that one little number, clicking across your screen. and if it goes up that day, then you are right. and if it goes down, you are wrong. hours and hours of work and labour all come down to that point. to that number. to that single decision and the chaotic movements that follow.'

'So again you question yourself. are you right? the number is red. could you be right if the number is red? now the voices are screaming from all directions that you are wrong. But are you? At this point you take the leap of faith. the faith in yourself. and you say once more, even more emphatically - they are all wrong. for the moment the market is wrong. but i will be right. i am right.'

'so yeah. its an addiction. its an addiction because when you're finally right, when it turns out just as you had suspected, when all the stuff starts happening that you've been saying was going to happen, when all the things that you've been saying suddenly begin to be said by those same respected opinions that were scoffing at you before, well, you can't beat that. its better then any high. its the high of power. its the high of being right.'

- posted by Sigurd8/03/2004 09:26:00 PM