I don't want to think.  I just want to write.  I don't want to think.  I think and then act and then act and act and pretend to be something that doesn't exist while nothing exists, nothing at all so why must I think, I don't want to think, I don't want to think, I just want to write.  So let me write.  Not think.  About nothing.  I banish thought.  I condemn thought.  No not condemn.  I condemn condemn. Its too close to thought. It reminds me of thought.  Its out too. All of you out!  No more!  Get out!  All of you stupid thoughts and ideas and worries and guilt. Especially guilt!  Oh god, kill guilt.  Murder it.  Slay it.  Puke it. Shit it. Leave me be.  It keeps seeping in, and sucking and sucking and sucking the life out of me and putting in its place this pallid social beast that does nothing but think and be guilty and is condemned to this bloody painted, fleshy shell.

No more guilt and no more acting.  No more acting.  No more smiling facing and concerned smiles and those goddamn pointless hello's and goodbye's and why can't we just all be honest and simply not give a fuck.  And no more fucking waving.  I don't want to position or climb or manipulate or be manipulated or be responsible.  I want none of it.  I just want to be alone.  Alone to write.  Because this is the only place where I can be me.

- posted by Sigurd7/20/2004 10:10:00 PM