Ernie Borderman - A Pointless Novel, Page 3

Ernie was now half-way through his second freezer.

He was becoming greatly agitated about what he would do when it became full. The problem was his apartment, which now, housing two large industrial freezers, was quite full. What space was available left little room for movement, and it simply was not conceivable that Ernie could fit another freezer.

The first freezer Ernie had put in his kitchen, removing his dining table, which he had rarely used anyways. Finding space for the second freezer, however, had been more difficult. He had been forced eventually, much to his own chagrin, to leave it his living room. After much deliberation, from which he could find no suitable solution, Ernie had removed the TV stand from his living room and replaced with his second unit, deciding that the freezer, when covered with cloth, could serve the purpose of the stand.

At first he had thought this to be an ingenious idea, but in time it became obvious that it had a severe drawback, as Ernie was continually forced to lift the television off the freezer in order to fill it with each new shipment of meat. But there appeared to be no perfect solution, for the freezer had no place else to go. Exasperated, Ernie eventually succumbed and put his television to rest on the armchair of his sofa, from where he could sit and watch TV comfortably while sitting on the new appliance.

And so Ernie had solved the problem of the second freezer, and had become tolerant, if not comfortable, of his new cramped quarters, but it was evident that no easy solution would be available for the third. Ernie fretted for weeks as he watched his second freezer become closer to full with each passing shipment of pork loin roast and head cheese. He did not sleep well at night. His dreams were clouded by nightmarish images of rooms packed full to the brim of various cuts of meat. He would wake up in a cold sweat, dreading the next pay-day when he would be forced to add another layer to that forever shrinking tomb that he housed across from his couch. It eventually became too much for Ernie to bear.

And so Ernie Borderman began his search for new residence.

- posted by Sigurd6/02/2004 10:16:00 PM