Monday, July 11, 2005
As I try to work out this ominous fear that has shivered through me since I woke up.
And it probably has nothing to do with the dinner party, where I sat along with all the others at a big long table under a low lit moon. Everyone else seemed so overdressed, with suits and ties and distinguished gowns. They were all very important. They were all very proper. I don't even remember one face from the crowd.
I don't even know what I was wearing.
But there I was, the center of it all, forced to choose what they all would eat. I don't know why that was, I arrived to the scene late, so I missed out on all that background.
The center of attention. Forced to make a decision for all the others. I was terrified. I didn't know what they would all want to eat. I didn't even know who they were. The menu might as well have been gibberish. I slunk between the covers, hiding my face so they would not see my shame. I thought seriously of running out, but I didn't know where the door was, or even if there was one.
That's the last that I remember of it. But it probably isn't why I'm so fearful this morning. I don't really have any decisions to make for anybody else. Only the one's for myself. And that's scary enough.
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