Drowning out the beat of reality

I was wondering last night as I drained to the bottom of my licorice milkshake, why it was that I had wanted one at all.
Why do I want?
Its an easy question until you think about it. When you think about it you're forced to realize that its just a milkshake. It's just taste. And then it doesn't make so much sense.
'Oh, but it tastes so good,' you say. Good? What does that mean? The next time you're tasting your licorice milkshake take a moment to be aware of what it is you're tasting. Cuz its really nothing at all. Its sugary, licoricey, liquidy taste. Nothing more.
What's there to make me want it so much?
The other night this monk said to me that it relieves my agitation. I think he might be right.
Wanting something puts a thought into my head. A thought to preoccupy myself with. To twirl around in my mind and keep it busy.
Without the wanting of this milkshake, what would I be left to think about? Well, not much. There's nothing in my mind unless I put something there. If I don't put something there, then there's nothing in there at all.
There's no background noise.
And I want the background noise to drown out the beat of reality.
So I stick this milkshake thought in my head, and make myself believe that I really want the licoricey sugary taste. And with that it becomes much more then just a taste.
It becomes an idea.
I can preoccupy myself with an idea. How do I get it? When? All the obstacles. All the possibilities. Its just loaded with thoughts.
The milkshake has become this incredible tool that allows me to ignore reality. I can drown out of the beat of it's empty nature.
To not be aware.
To me, as I sat there and took the final few sips of a milkshake that really didn't even taste all that good after the first couple sips, this made a lot of sense. Its not about the taste. The milkshake is just another way of drumming out the silence.
- posted by Sigurd3/29/2005 11:37:00 PM