Love Actually

No. Shit actually.

Quite seriously, if you liked this movie, then you should go up to the corner of the page and click on the little escape icon out of here. Because there's no point reading any further. I don't mean it rudely. Its just that this blog will be a complete waste of your time. I'm doing you a favour. I might even post it as a disclaimer at the top.

Its a bad movie. It's a waste of time. It's just so wrong.

But apparently people like this schlock. A friend of mine was confronted today in an elevator by a pack of seven 'Love Actually' enthusiasts. They became violent when she mentioned that it didn't give her warm fuzzies and she didn't find it 'cute'. She narrowly escaped with her life. I don't usually get so up in arms about a movie, but when it becomes a rallying point for ignorant mobs, I think something has to be done.

I was quite surprised that there were seven 'Love Actually' ethusiasts in the world. I always overestimate humanity. I should really stop having such high expectations, because I am inevitably let down.

What is it that makes people like such obviously bad movies? Movies without a single redeeming quality. I don't get it. And there are others. Unfortunately there are so many others. 'Hollow Man', a pukefest of a movie that's only redeeming virtue is its title, which aptly described anyone who liked it. Dogma! It should have just been called 'Dog'. My god. It tried so hard, and did it so poorly.

And that's the crux of it I think. That's what makes a movie really bad. Any movie can just be bad. There's a lot half-assers out there half-assing it, so there's no shortage of half-ass art. But that special quality that makes a movie really bad is that it isn't half-assed. Somebody tried really hard, and just failed miserably at it. That sort of care is something special. Its unique. You can't reach the pinnacle of shit unless you really believe its worth reaching deep into the toilet.

The best way I can describe Love Actually is as an emotional wank. That's what it is. You fondle your emotions, trick them into thinking there's something real going on, and let them get all tingly until you spurt it all out and need to clean yourself up. The movie has no redeeming value, no insight, no character development, no plot - my god, this movie is over 2 hours long and it has no fucking plot. That deserves some kind of reward. 'Congratulations Sir, we didn't think it was possible to string that many words together without making a single coherent idea.' Even monkeys hit the right key eventually.

So yeah, that's enough. I've said enough and it really doesn't even deserve to be contemplated this much. Its not even worthy of hate. But a warning. If you agree, be careful what you say. One of the 'Love Actually' mob might overhear.
- posted by Sigurd1/04/2005 08:59:00 PM